The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.