A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.