There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

No good deed goes unpunished.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.