I drink to make other people more interesting.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.