Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.