Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.