If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.