He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
No good deed goes unpunished.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.