You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.