I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.