Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.