When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Men are as faithful as their options.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.