What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.