I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.