Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.