Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I'm single because I was born that way.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.