I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.