A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.