If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.