Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

No good deed goes unpunished.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.