Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.