Sex is an emotion in motion.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.