I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.