Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.