If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.