Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!