A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.