Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.