You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.