If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.