Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.