Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.