It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Men are as faithful as their options.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I'm single because I was born that way.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.