I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.