The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.