I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
I'm single because I was born that way.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.