A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.