A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.