I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.