I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.