I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.