Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.