My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Men are as faithful as their options.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
No good deed goes unpunished.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?