Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.