My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I'm single because I was born that way.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?