I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.