He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?