One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Men are as faithful as their options.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

No good deed goes unpunished.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.