There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.