A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
