I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.