I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.