Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness. I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

At the bottom of enmity between strangers lies indifference.

You sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.

There is not such a cradle of democracy upon the earth as the Free Public Library, this republic of letters, where neither rank, office, nor wealth receives the slightest consideration.

We are all now connected by the Internet, like neurons in a giant brain.

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately... you usually don't use it at all. It uses you.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Dare to risk public criticism.

I don't say we all ought to misbehave, but we ought to look as if we could.

Dress shabbily and they remember the dress; dress impeccably and they remember the woman.

Our greatest foes - and whom we must chiefly combat - are within.

To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil and no good, nothing but blind pitiless indifference.

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire.

Everything beautiful has a mark of eternity.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.