As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.