If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I'm single because I was born that way.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.