I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.