There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Women are made to be loved not understood.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.