I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I'm single because I was born that way.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.