A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.