It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
No good deed goes unpunished.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.