I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.