You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
No good deed goes unpunished.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.