Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.