I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Men are as faithful as their options.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.