I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
I'm single because I was born that way.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.