I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.