When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.