You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.