It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.