I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.