At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.