I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.