I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.