If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.