If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.