Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.