It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I'm single because I was born that way.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.