I will not join any club who will take me as a member
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Men are as faithful as their options.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.