Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.