I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.