No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

I'm single because I was born that way.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.