If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.