A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.