Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.